A Lesson Learned in Clinical

It’s halfway through my final semester, and at this point I find myself simply going through the motions of studying for exams….filling out clinical paperwork…attending lectures…etc. Especially with clinicals, most days I look forward to leaving the hospital even before I walk out of the apartment in the morning. I’m so ready to be finished; to be a nurse; to be taking care of my own patients!

Monday was a little bit different for me. It was my last day of taking care of multiple patients before I graduate, and I decided to be PRESENT (which I should do all along) with my patients instead of going through the motions. I was so blessed and was reminded of WHY I love nursing.

About 10 AM, one of my patients turned on her call light. As I walked closer to her room, I heard crying. I found my patient in the bathroom leaning over the trashcan crying because she was extremely nauseated and due to an incision, it was very painful to throw up. I looked at her orders and she didn’t have any medications I could give her for her pain or for her nausea. That’s when you get on the phone and call the doc…the problem was, the doc wasn’t answering his phone!

So here I am with a fresh, post-op kidney transplant patient in excruciating pain with no meds I can give her. What do you do?!? I decided it was time to put my “agenda” (also read as waiting at the nurses station until lunch at 11 AM) aside and be PRESENT with her. I finished checking on the rest of my patients right before this happened, they were all okay, and so I knew I had some time to spend one-on-one with her. I wasn’t really sure how to help her, though.

So for about 30 minutes, I sat with her in the bathroom and did my best to help make her comfortable (if that’s possible). I held her hair while she vomited and wiped her tears….it’s all I really knew to do. The initial bout of nausea passed and she wanted to go back to her bed. So we did. We got her situated in bed, and soon after, round two began…I’m pretty sure it was worse than round one! I wanted to cry for her knowing how much pain she was in. So I did the same thing over again…sat with her…held her hair…wiped her tears…but this time she couldn’t make it to a trashcan and got vomit all over her gown and linens. She was embarrassed, and I continued to reassure her that she was not a burden as we cleaned her up.

After round two of nausea ended, I sat on the end of her bed and talked with her. I learned about her family and how she had one daughter who is 20 years old. My patient has been sick since her daughter was 6 years old. Through my patient’s tears, I listened as she told me how hard it was for her to tell her only daughter to go, live her life, and see the world knowing she (my patient) was very sick. I learned about her new little puppies, and how her employer is making provisions for her to be away during her recovery. I learned that my patient’s face lights up when someone comes to visit or bring her flowers. I learned the books she likes to read and how much she loves for her hair to be nice and clean.

I thought about this throughout the rest of my clinical day, and the passage of scripture in Matthew 25 continually came to mind.

"Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?' The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'”

The Lord reminded me that it’s not always about the big things we do as nurses…it’s about being PRESENT and caring for and loving people. It’s about meeting daily needs….it’s about cleaning up vomit…it’s about giving them fresh water…it’s about taking time to listen to their concerns. I can easily go through my day checking things off of my list, but what if, in doing that, I miss HIM? What if, in doing that, I miss an opportunity to show someone Christ’s love? Is it worth it? No, it’s not. I came in to nursing to make a difference in the lives of each patient and their families that I encounter, and some days, making a difference might mean cleaning up vomit and sitting at their bedside.

Lord, may I never lose sight of the importance of meeting basic needs and loving people as You love them!

The 25 Years of ME

Seeing that tomorrow I will be a QUARTER OF A CENTURY old, I spent some time this evening thinking back on those years. I came up with a list (definitely not all inclusive…and probably not 100% accurate on some of the years) of memories that I have of each season of life. So here are all 25 years from my perspective....

YEAR 1: It all began on February 16, 1985 when all 10 lbs. 11 oz. of me made an entrance into the world. Of course I don’t remember anything from this year, but pictures and stories tell me that my fat rolls had fat rolls. I was extremely chubby! This was also the year when I began all of my broken bones…a skull fracture at 9 months old!

YEAR 2, 3, 4: I’m lumping all of these years together….In these years I spent a lot of time with my Mama Sue. Mama Sue kept me while my parents worked, and I loved going to her house. We spent lots of time in the garden…chasing cows that got out of the pen…shucking corn…and snapping green beans. I gave my “passy” away to her baby calf because it didn’t have one. One of the biggest memories I have of spending time with Mama Sue is when we got into a wreck on the way to pick her kids up from school….even at that age, I still REMEMBER it (not just hearing stories about it!).

YEAR 5: During this year, I started taking dance. I’m pretty sure it only lasted one year…I definitely turned out to be a tomboy instead of a girlie girl. So sorry, Mom! At the end of my fifth year, I got a little sister. Hard to say if I was excited or not….I’m pretty sure I wanted to send her back. (No worries…I love her now!)

YEAR 6: I started Kindergarten this year, and I absolutely loved my teacher. My favorite part of Kindergarten was the memory verse cards we had. Each week was a new verse starting with a new letter of the alphabet. We learned scripture while learning our alphabet…I thought it was amazingly cool back then. I also began playing t-ball this year!

YEAR 7: This was the year when SOFTBALL actually started, and I was hooked from the beginning. I got to “play” on an all-star team which I was almost too young for, but I made the cut because I was “coachable”…what really ended up happening was I sat the bench and occasionally got to play right field [read…picking flowers!].

YEAR 8: I started piano lessons this year from the organist at our church. I enjoyed learning to play, but I hated practicing and hated recitals even more. At my Christmas recital, I walked in, saw everyone looking at me, started crying, and walked out. I can’t remember if I actually played my pieces. My FAVORITE softball memory from this year is warming up with my brother before a game and the ball hit me in the face. I had a bruise in the pattern of the “stitches” from the softball. I was SO proud! I’ve always loved my battle wounds!

YEAR 9: I got my first kitten this year, Oreo! I also had my first teacher in school that I didn’t like. Other than that, softball continues!

YEAR 10: I had my favorite birthday party in this year. My mom planned a Mexican Fiesta at our house and we all played Bunko!

YEAR 11: I broke my leg on Christmas day of this year, and ended up being in a long cast for several weeks. I vividly remember getting my cast off and a couple of days later having the first softball practice of the season. The last thing my mom told me before she left was DON’T run the bases. As she came to pick me up, sure enough, I was running the bases! OOPS! You couldn’t keep me away from softball.

YEAR 12: This was the year of my favorite vacation of all times. We spent two weeks going to New Mexico, Arizona, and Colorado. We had two weeks worth of pimento cheese and chicken salad sandwiches (which we STILL talk about to this day!)…and stayed at the “Best Inn”. Oh the memories from that vacation…

YEAR 13: This begins the awkward years…and I had it bad. I started 7th grade during this year, and it was a big deal because it was the first year for all of the kids in my grade to be at the same school (we came from several elementary schools). My best friend at the time, Amanda, moved to town, and we were instant friends. Without a doubt we were inseparable until she moved in 9th grade. I got sent to the office this year for accidently touching my teacher’s paper cutter, and I thought my world had ended! We added on to our house and I FINALLY had my own room. I started taking dance again because I thought I might want to be in drill team in high school.

Most significantly in this year is that the Lord began showing me through someone I looked up to greatly that I needed to make my faith in Him my own….

YEAR 14: March 4th of this year Andrey (from Ukraine) came to live with us while he had surgery on his eye. It was an interesting experience, but one I wouldn’t trade for anything. On June 24, 1998, I accepted Christ as my Savior and began following Him. My faith went from going to church on Sundays to having a relationship with the one true God! My life has never been the same since that day!

YEAR 15: I started high school during this year. I was on the JV Drill team and I made Varsity softball as a freshman. During my freshman year, I had two of my best friends, Amanda and Mallory, move away. I had to find a new group of friends which isn't always the easiest thing to do in high school.

YEAR 16: During July of this year, my parents bought me a red Volkswagon Beetle! It was what I always wanted…I couldn’t believe I was actually getting one!! I remember being so happy that I couldn’t quit crying as my mom and dad signed all the papers. Sad thing was that I was TERRIFIED to drive it because it was a stick shift. I finally learned, and at the end of my 16th year (on my 16th birthday!), the K8TBUG was mine!

YEAR 17: During this summer, I went to Super Summer and the Lord put China on my heart. I knew from that moment on that I would serve there someday…I wasn’t sure when…I wasn’t sure how…but I knew I was going!

YEAR 18: The thing that sticks out to me most during this year is junior prom. I didn’t like it one bit. It was my first (and only) dance I ever went to. That summer I went to several camps (like every summer) including softball camp at Texas A&M!!

YEAR 19: This was a huge year for me! I graduated from high school #6 in my class, and then packed my bags to move off to Texas A&M which was a dream come true. I left home being one extremely shy little girl afraid to order my own meal at restaurants. I was scared to death to be on my own, but I wanted to be an Aggie so badly!

YEAR 20: At the beginning of my 20th year, the Lord blessed me with an incredible friendship that proved to be one of my best friends of all time, Christi! She was (and still is) a huge blessing in my life. I learned so much of the Lord’s character and how much I needed Him DAILY during this year. I donated my hair to Locks of Love for the first time, and I got the chance to work at T bar M.

YEAR 21: I went back to work at T bar M this summer. My 21st year ended with my mom and dad driving to College Station just to take me out to dinner on my birthday. I was reminded of how blessed I am to have a mom and dad who would do things like that…and even sometimes just drive up to surprise me!

YEAR 22: Year 22 was another big one for me! I took the MCAT for the first time, and didn’t do as well as I had hoped. A few months later (only days after getting my MCAT scores back), I hopped on a plane and spent a portion of the summer in China teaching English. God used the MCAT to form a bond between me and my sweet friend from China, A! The best part of the summer was that A came to know Jesus and she loves Him with everything she has. The Lord showed me that summer that He works out ALL THINGS for the good of those who love Him.

YEAR 23: During year 23, I took the MCAT for the second time, and the Lord began to reveal to me that medical school wasn’t the direction He wanted me to go. Not knowing what to do instead, I applied to medical school and again hopped on a plane back to Nanning, Guangxi, China (where I left my heart the summer before). This trip to China was cut short due to a broken arm, and I was completely devastated!

Oops…I can’t forget to mention that I graduated from TEXAS A&M! WHOOP! Proudest member of the Fightin’ Texas Aggie Class of 2007.

I also began working at College Station Middle School in August. It was during this time the Lord led me to nursing school, and I began the application process.

YEAR 24: I continued to work at the middle school in the Special Education classroom where God taught me so much about unconditional love through two students that I affectionately call “My Honor Student” and “My Ray of Sunshine”. The entire experience of working at this school allowed me to fall more in love with Jesus and see new aspects of His character. I was completely changed by the lives of these two precious students!

I decided to come to San Antonio for nursing school, and it was a HUGE change for me! Little did I know that when I moved so far away from my family that God would bring a big sister (something I always prayed for) into my life. He also completely blessed me with an amazing house church of people with a heart for the nations.

YEAR 25: If I can sum up my 25th year in one word, it would be FREEDOM! I’ve learned a lot this year about what it means to truly walk in freedom in Christ. Freedom from fear…freedom from failure…freedom from perfection… Life isn’t about living for other people, but it’s about living for Him and following Him wherever He chooses to lead me.

YEAR 26: So it begins….I simply can’t fathom what the Lord is going to write into my story this year. I anticipate graduation and a new job, but we will see how it goes!

I know this is long, but I wanted to write down some of my biggest memories! What I didn't have time or space to do was write down everything. So woven throughout these years were many more broken bones, lots of laughter, lots of tears, lots of amazing memories! In doing this, I was reminded how incredibly blessed I am. I have the best family…the best friends…and I serve the most amazing God! These 25 years have been full, and I wouldn’t have it any other way! I’m so blessed and so thankful! I can't wait to see adventures are in store for the next years of my life.

Xin Nian Kaui Le!

Happy Chinese New Year!  Usually around this time of year I find myself missing China A LOT!  I’ve always wanted to be there with my sweet friends celebrating Chinese New Year.  Today I find myself missing China even more because I had my hopes up for returning this summer, but it didn’t work out.  My sweet, precious friends in China have been at the forefront of my mind this week, and all I want to do is go back to Nanning.  I want to hug their necks…catch up on life….eat Old Friend Noodles…practice their English…practice my Mandarin…visit the city center…and just live life with them for a while.  Oh, how I love China more than I have words to say! 

Each summer I taught English in China, our camp had an Olympic theme.  For that reason, each class represented a different country, and we would have “Camp China Olympics”.  My class was Brazil, and we had a BLAST!  Unfortunately, my time with them was cut short because I had to come back to the US after breaking my arm.  I found this video that I wrote as a “letter” (kinda) to my class once I got back….so I decided to post it here.  It’s a little long (about 7 minutes I think) but it reminds me of the place and the people I love so much. 

My Best Friend!

Meet Christi Carter. I have no other words than I. LOVE. THIS. GIRL. I am so incredibly thankful to the Lord for blessing me with her friendship. My first semester at Texas A&M was fun, but I spent most of Christmas break praying that the Lord would bring a friend into my life who I truly connected with…someone to share my college experience with….someone I could call best friend. Oh, did the Lord answer!

We both ended up being in freshman biology for the spring semester. I can’t remember how the initial conversation started, but I remember it didn’t take long for us to become friends. Through getting to know Christi, I learned that she, too, had prayed over Christmas break for strong friendships, and the Lord had answered both of us. We were thankful!

I can honestly say, I’m not sure how I would have made it through my college years without Christi. We went through a lot together….laughing until we cried…late night chats….baking cookies (lots and lots of cookies)…Tuesday night Breakaway….Fightin’ Texas Aggie Volleyball games…road trips….camping…studying. We also had our share of tears and arguments. Through it all, we were there for each other, and we loved each other! She was (and still is) an incredible blessing. She loves the Lord and is passionate about serving Him in EVERYTHING she does. She is a loyal friend and is always waiting with encouragement and a prayer.

On December 27th, I was privileged to stand with Christi as she said, “I do!” She was the most beautiful bride, and I am so incredibly happy for her and Christopher. I look forward to seeing what the Lord is going to do in Christi’s life….through medical school….through whatever kind of doctor she decides to be…through her marriage…through it all!

I love you, Christi! Thank you for being you!

Love People

These words have been in the forefront of my mind and on my heart for the past few months.  The Lord has used this phrase to take me to a deeper place in my relationship with Him because I realize in my own strength I don’t do a very good job of this. 

Of course it’s easy to love those who love me…those who think the same way I think…those who agree with me.  But what about those who don’t?  What about the people who annoy me to NO END (which is more people than I care to admit)?… or the people who don’t value the same things I value?…or the patients I care for who don’t appreciate a darn thing?  Love them, REALLY?  Yes, those are the ones I have a hard time loving.  This is where the Lord stepped in and said, “Those are the ones I want you to love.”

Matthew 5:44-48
"But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven; for He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.  For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? If you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same?  Therefore you are to be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.”

Ok, ok Lord.  Love those who are hard to love.  I know I’m supposed to, but why??  [please take note that I realize now how extremely juvenile and immature my thoughts on loving people were] 

Proverbs 3:3-4
”Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart.  Then you will win favor and a good name in the sight of God and man.”

Through learning to love people well, I realize how thankful I am for God’s grace.  He loves me even though  I don’t deserve it in the least.  Because of His love that is in me, I choose to love what HE loves….who HE loves.  More and more, I’m finding that it ALWAYS includes people who aren’t “like me”. 

I love how Proverbs 3 says “Let love and faithfulness NEVER leave you….THEN you will win favor and a good name in the sight of God and man.”  People will know us by our love….not only will they know us, but most importantly, they will see Christ through our love.   After all…that’s the MOST important thing!