Remembering Mrs. Selvester

Sunday evening (a week ago)  I received a phone call telling me one of my {favorite} clinical instructors passed away very unexpectedly shortly after delivering her baby girl.  I was in complete. total. shock.  Even now, a little over a week later, I have a hard time wrapping my mind around the situation.  I still feel as though I could go knock on her office door, and she will be there.  Mrs. Selvester was my OB clinical instructor during the fall semester.  She is to be credited for the beginning of me enjoying the nursing school clinical experience, getting me through other {not-so-fun} clinicals with our frequent venting sessions in her office, and most importantly, wanting to be a clinical instructor/nurse educator in the future.

I remember….meeting Mrs. Selvester for the first time.  She was beaming as she told our clinical group of her new husband, new little boys, and the new addition on the way.  I think it’s safe to say that all of us who had her as an instructor during her pregnancy were blessed by her and got to experience OB in a WHOLE DIFFERENT WAY!   

I remember…Mrs. Selvester pushing me on a daily basis beyond what I thought I was able to do, but being with me step-by-step and encouraging me as I faced those things.  She quickly caught on to my stalling tactics I used when I wasn’t comfortable doing something and didn’t let me use them. 

I remember…Mrs. Selvester’s contagious laugh and how she would say, “That baby…that baby is perfect…just perfect!” each time we would hold a new little one.  It was never routine and never “just a job” to her.   

I remember…anytime Mrs. Selvester would find one of my strengths during clinicals, she made every effort to allow me an opportunity to “teach”…anything from patient teaching to teaching a fellow classmate how to give a newborn bath and MANY things in between.  It was in those moments she gave me little nuggets of wisdom on teaching. {which I find funny because most of the time I had her in clinicals I was adamant about NOT EVER wanting to be in education} 

I remember….how she invested into my life consistently even after I no longer had her as an instructor.  If I had a question in another class, she was the first person I would call.  Not only in academics, but Mrs. Selvester always had little words of wisdom to speak into my life.  I’ll treasure those forever. 

I remember….how one day with Mrs. Selvester in clinicals changed my future nursing career…changed me.  Here’s the story…

{Let me preface this story by saying as much as I was excited about OB, I was terrified of clinicals in the beginning because everything was so new to me…}

My first day in Labor & Delivery was busy.  Mrs. Selvester spent most of the morning with me and the other student in L&D that day because there were going to be three deliveries in a short span of time.  We all went in for the first delivery, and I fully expected to observe as the other student administered the erythromycin (eye ointment) and Vitamin K injection since it was my first delivery as a student nurse---Mrs. Selvester had other plans. 

She looked at me and said, “Here ya go!  Now tell me what you are going to do with the Vitamin K.”  I was TOTALLY caught off-guard (because remember…I thought I was OBSERVING) and froze.  When I say “froze”, I mean, I completely went blank and no intelligent thoughts came to mind.   At that point, the tears started flowing and wouldn’t stop because I was so nervous/embarrassed at this point.  I held the Vitamin K injection out to Mrs. Selvester and said, “No!  You do it.  I can’t right now!” {probably not one of my finer moments}.  She took it from me, and I stepped away to compose myself. 

After regaining composure, I walked back over to the baby.  She handed the Vitamin K back to me and said, “You okay now?  Good!  Let’s do this together.  I’ll walk you through it.”  She walked me through the steps, and I did what I needed to do. 

Later in the clinical day, she pulled me aside to check on me and to talk about what happened earlier.  She said something in those moments that I will ALWAYS remember.  After asking me if/what I learned from the situation, Mrs. Selvester said, “Had I given the Vitamin K injection for you, you would have missed the opportunity to learn those things.  Aren’t you glad you did it?” 

Of course my answer was YES!  I’m so glad she made me confront my fear because in those moments, I learned so much more than giving an injection to a screaming newborn---I learned more about confidence in myself and that I had an instructor who truly cared about my learning experience…my nursing career…ME!  After that day in clinicals, I called my parents and told them I wanted to be a clinical instructor because of the way Mrs. Selvester handled the situation with me that day.  

Mrs. Selvester knew my potential; she knew my strengths/weaknesses, and she consistently pushed me beyond what I “thought” I could do because she wanted to see me succeed.  Because of her investing so much into my life, it always made me want to work a little bit harder…

After my time in clinicals with Mrs. Selvester, I had much more confidence in my abilities and that carried over throughout the rest of my clinical experiences in nursing school, and I am confident it will carry over into my career. 

I wish everyone could have known Mrs. Selvester.  She would have touched your life and made you smile.  It doesn’t make sense to me why a sweet baby girl was brought into the world shortly before her mom went to be with Jesus, but I am confident that even in the times where we ask “Why?”, the Lord has a plan and a purpose.  HIS story is bigger than anything I can imagine and comprehend, and I am trying to trust Him. 

Isaiah 55:8-11
8"For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
       neither are your ways my ways,"
       declares the LORD.

⁹ "As the heavens are higher than the earth,
       so are my ways higher than your ways
       and my thoughts than your thoughts.

¹⁰ As the rain and the snow
       come down from heaven,
       and do not return to it
       without watering the earth
       and making it bud and flourish,
       so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,

¹¹ so is my word that goes out from my mouth:
       It will not return to me empty,
       but will accomplish what I desire
       and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.”

God has a plan and purpose in the life and death of Mrs. Selvester, and my prayer is that HIS glory is shown mightly through it all. 

The Job Hunt

UPDATE: I'm so excited to update that the Lord provided a job! Not just any job, but He went far above and beyond anything I could have imagined. I found out on Monday that I will be a Pediatric ICU nurse!! Praise the Lord...HE was faithful...yet again! I'm so thankful that He never tires of teaching me how to trust in Him. Thank you so much for praying!!

In 35 days, I will walk across the stage once again and receive a second BS degree. I’m excited, no doubt! I’m also pretty anxious at the thought of being in the “real world” for the first time. Since Kindergarten, my life has revolved around semesters, spring breaks, and summer vacations, and shortly that will all end. With as much as I complain about wanting to be finished with school, I do enjoy being a student….I REALLY enjoy being a student!! In fact, I’ll give myself 4 months before I am trying to figure out how/when to apply for graduate school. But at this moment, I am completely burned out. I don’t want to study for another exam…present another pointless presentation….attend another lecture. I want to graduate, and I want to get a job.

Which leads me to…

The job hunt.

It’s frustrating to say the very least. Since I have been in nursing school, everyone has spoken of this so-called “nursing shortage”. While I know this may be true as a whole, let me give you a little bit of advice….please don’t speak of it to ANY of us who are going to be new nurses! It’s the biggest lie for us, and it has been so deceiving! It is EXTREMELY difficult to find a nursing job as a new graduate nurse in San Antonio…or Houston…or Dallas…or any larger city. Sure, there are plenty of nursing jobs available, but you have to have experience. The only way to get a job in one of the bigger hospital systems is through an internship or residency program. The problem is only {about} 10% of the applicants to those programs actually get accepted. One of the hospital systems I’ve been most interested in working for isn’t hiring ANY new graduate nurses into their pediatric areas right now. GRRR….

I mention this because the closer graduation gets and I don’t have a job, the more anxious and worried I become. I’m a worrier and a planner, and when I don’t have things planned out, I worry! Makes sense, huh?! On the other hand, there has never been a time in my life where the Lord has not been faithful and provided for my every need. It’s so hard to trust sometimes. I feel like the Lord has had to teach me this lesson of trust in His timing and His perfect will over and over again. Will I ever learn?? I hope so….I want to….I NEED TO! I’m so thankful, though, that the Lord is even faithful in continuing to teach me to trust His perfect plan. I’m thankful that He never tires of teaching me and making me more like Him.

So, if you are reading this, would you be praying? Would you pray that I would be able to rest and trust that the Lord is STILL faithful even when I don’t have my job planned out? Would you pray that I would lay my worries and fears at His feet?

Thank you so much!

A Sweet Reminder

I have to preface this post by confessing that I don’t like to throw ANYTHING (especially school things) away. 

Recently (a couple of years ago) I went through my old middle school and high school English journals and tore out some entries that I wanted to keep and tucked them away in my drawer.  I completely forgot about them until I went home for Easter and realized they had fallen out of my drawer and were on the floor.  As I took time to read through these journal entries I wanted to keep forever, I was reminded of God’s faithfulness and how he has been working in my life from the time I trusted Him as Savior on June 24, 1998. 

The first thing I found was a written out version of my testimony written only a few weeks after I trusted Christ as Savior.   Reading it took me back to Wild Week youth camp….probably the most miserable camp I’d ever been to, but obviously the most memorable for me. 

Then I came across a short paper I wrote in 8th grade titled, “I Believe In…”  

“I believe in many different things, but there are a couple in particular…God, the bible, and prayer.

I have grown up all of my life in a Christian home and I was practically born in the church nursery.  Since I was young, people have always…God.  Also, they have told me that God sent his son to die on the cross for our sins.  As I began to get older, I began to understand more about him.  and now, I believe that god will take care of me and protect me. 

The bible is something else that I strongly believe in.  Every story in the bible is true.  From Adam & Eve to Jesus and the cross to Christ coming back. 

God makes promises in the bible that I depend on every day.  One of my favorite promises is the rainbow.  The rainbow is God’s promise that he would never destroy the earth and the people again.  God kept Noah and his family safe because Noah believed and trusted in God.  That is just one of the many promises. 

I can look for almost anything in the bible.  When I start to worry about my future, I read Jeremiah 29:11-13.  These verses say that God knows  his plans for you, plans to give you hope and a future. 

Prayer is another thing I believe in.  The power of prayer is so overwhelming.  There is so much that can take place through prayer.  I know from experience. 

God, the bible, and prayer are just a few of the things I believe in.”

My sophomore year in high school, I had to write journal entries on a given topic for English class.  One entry talks about what I will be doing in ten years (which from the date I wrote it will be next January).  I talked about how I would be finishing up medical school and beginning my residency.  But the best part of it is that above all of the other things, I wanted to have a “good relationship with God”.  THAT was what was most important to me.  

The last journal entry I found was also during my sophomore year in high school.  And perhaps this is the one that means the most to me right now.  The prompt given by my teacher was “A Risk Worth Taking…” and this is what I wrote. 

“There are many risky things that can be done, but there is no risky thing more worthwhile than being a missionary.  In the Bible, God calls us to go and be witnesses in His name.  Matthew 5:11-12 says that those who are persecuted for Christ will have greater rewards in heaven.  God also says in Matthew 28:19 that we are to go and make disciples of all nations.  In places where Christianity is forbidden, people still need to hear about Him.  It may be risky, but God promises that He will always take care uf us.  We just have to have faith in Him that He will do what He said.  I take comfort in those words, and I have a peace in my life if I had to take that risk.  Everyone needs to know of Christ’s love, and how will they know about Him if no one tells them.  God wants me to be obedient to Him, and so I try to do what He asks of me.  So therefore, being a missionary would just be being obedient to Him.  Being a missionary is definitely a risk I would take if Christ impressed it upon me because it is worth taking.  After all, if you won’t take risks for Christ, then who would you take risks for.”

As I read through each of these pages, the Lord sweetly reminded me that HE has been at work in my heart for a long time.  My heart for the nations is something HE placed inside of me.  I am so thankful for the sweet gift of getting to see in written words a desire I have to make His name known….whether it was in school to my teachers by writing these papers/journals or to the nations by taking a risk and becoming a missionary.  I know the Lord’s hand is in it all, and I’m so thankful! 

Lord- may I never lose a heart to make your name known!

Easter Weekend

Just quick post to say….

You are NEVER too old to dye Easter eggs…

       …or to HUNT Easter eggs!  

 

…or to have a fun little downtown Lufkin photo shoot with your mom and
see-ster!

  

…or to get a new car!

 

I had a fabulous Easter weekend hanging out with the fam!  It’s a rare occurrence these days for us to all be in Lufkin at the same time!  How is it that we didn’t get ONE family picture?!?! 

My Heart is in Haiti Part 6

There is something about an orphaned child that captures my heart every time.  I can’t imagine not having a family to call your own….someone who loves you unconditionally.  But I noticed something else, something special, about the orphans in Haiti….they have such a pure heart and love for the Lord.  He IS their DADDY, and they aren’t afraid to let anyone know.  These four girls in the picture below were no exception, but the one who really captured my heart is the little girl that’s looking down. 

Her name is Martine.  These four girls came in late to the worship service on Tuesday night and sat down on the bench in front of me.  I didn’t pay much attention at first until I looked down at the little girl sitting on the end.  As I looked over at her, she looked up at me and we locked eyes.  She had a HUGE smile on her face and was just as cute as ever.  I put my hand out for her to “give me five” and she simply placed her hand in mine.  As she did this, her smile got even bigger---which I didn’t think was possible.  She then looked down at her hands and PROUDLY showed me her missing fingers on both hands.  It was then that she did the same thing with her legs.  I noticed at that moment she was sitting down because she was a double amputee---she had different portions of each leg amputated.  I reached out both of my hands to her, and she FLEW into my arms.  There she stayed for the majority of the service.  She sang in Creole…I sang in English!  But we have the same Daddy and I’m positive He heard us both loud and clear.  It was so precious.  She was so precious.  Later on in the week I found out that Martine had lost her fingers and portions of her legs as a result of the quake.  I loved watching the other girls with Martine…they carried her around and doted on her like she was their own.  They always put Martine’s needs before their own and were so selfless when it came to caring for her! 

This picture below is of me and Job.  From what I gathered of his story, Job was dropped off at the gate of the orphanage a few weeks before we arrived.  He has a sun allergy, and as a result, he developed a tumor in his eye.  His eye had to be removed, and Job received skin grafts in the eye socket.  Sadly, those skin grafts got infected and so he needed further medical care. 

My first interaction with Job wasn’t ideal.  I was sitting outside of the ward talking with some of the patients when this little boy ran up to me and screamed, “AHHHHHH!!!!”.  Then he proceeded to try and jump into my arms.  I looked at his hands and face which had patches of skin with no pigment and I didn’t know what caused it.  He also had a big patch over his eye.  With all of these things combined with the fact that he caught me completely off guard, I gave him the obligatory side hug (when he was looking for me to hold him in my arms) and sent him on his way.  It took me about 2 seconds to realize that I was an idiot….did I really just send a little boy away because he “scared” me?  Did I send this little boy away because I was afraid of his medical condition?  I went over to him and scooped him up in my arms and he just rested his head on my shoulder for a few minutes.  I’m so glad that he was full of second chances because he became my buddy the rest of the week!  

Job is now in the USA receiving medical treatment, and I’m hoping that I can make it down to see him sometime soon. 

Here is a short video of Job and Martine at the worship service on Tuesday night.  Once again, it’s really short and not steady at all….that’s what happens when you have little kids trying to take your video camera from you!  I treasure it though because in this short video I can see their personalities shine through, and I love them to pieces. 

My Heart is in Haiti Part 5

Here is the story of Roberta…..

Roberta is 11 years old and is one of the most courageous people I know.  I met her my first night working in the hospital ward as she was one of my patients.  As I spent more time on the ward, I noticed that there was something special about this little girl…always smiling….always content….NEVER complaining about anything.  Something about her personality and demeanor was intriguing to me.

Roberta was home taking care of her 2 year old little brother when the quake happened.  Not knowing what to do (because they don’t teach you “earthquake drills” in school) she grabbed her little brother and laid on top of him to protect him from the rubble falling around them.  That’s what I call courageous…and SELFLESS!  In doing this, Roberta suffered a pretty bad fracture to her right leg.  She broke both bones (tibia and fibula).  To keep the bones stabilized to heal, they put an external fixator (the big metal thing sticking out of her leg) on her leg.  Not only did she have a tibia/fibula fracture, but she also had to have a skin graft.  They took skin from her thigh and grafted it on the part of her leg where the fracture was located. 

In all of this, Roberta smiled…Roberta was content….Roberta never once complained!  I was amazed by this.  One day we took her to the clinic to do a dressing change on her leg.  She was so scared, and I held her as she cried.  That’s when we bonded! 

I tried putting myself in Roberta’s shoes….  What would I have done if I was at home watching my little brother when an earthquake happened?  Would I have panicked?  Would I have run out of the house by myself?  Would I have stayed calm?  Would I have endured the pain that Roberta is going through with a smile and contentment? 

The Lord used this sweet 11 year old girl who loved to teach me Creole and then giggle when I pronounced things wrong to show me what courage looks like.  Through Roberta I saw child-like faith from someone who faced such a scary situation and trusted the Lord to get her through each moment.