In Your Presence, Lord, I Will Find My Strength

 Sunday, December 7, 2014, was a day I will remember forever.  Yes, of course, it was my first marathon, but it was so much more than that to me.  It was the constant reminder of God healing my lungs that made the day so memorable. 

As I stood with thousands of other runners waiting to start, I was filled with a combination of nerves and excitement.  I still couldn’t wrap my mind around the fact that in a few short minutes I would begin running the longest distance I’d ever attempted.

In order to fully appreciate the fact that running ANY distance, in and of itself, was something I never thought would happen, you need a little history….

I played softball growing up; we never ran ANY distance in softball.   No distance running unless we were a) conditioning or b) in trouble.  I wasn’t fond of either of those scenarios; so I equated running with the highest form of torture.   In November 2011, I decided I wanted to run a half marathon because I am stubborn. I wanted to prove to myself I could break through the mental barrier of hating running.  I thought a half marathon would be impossible, and I never had any desire to run a longer distance.   I planned on checking it off my bucket list and moving on with my life.  Then 2012 proved to be a difficult year health-wise.  First of all, in March, I got my leg crushed clearing rubble in Haiti.  Then in September 2012, I began having serious issues with my lungs.  From the end of 2012 through the majority of 2013, I battled with difficulty breathing.  Some days were awful and some days were okay, but with each of those days, I thought I might never be able to mark a half marathon off my bucket list. 

…Back to Sunday…

I was standing at the starting line of a FULL marathon.  26.2 miles.  Yes, double the distance of the half marathon that I originally thought was unattainable.  So for me, it was a day of rejoicing and deep gratitude to Jesus for all He brought me through over the past couple of years. 

The first couple of miles, I was overwhelmed with emotion.  It was mostly gratitude.  Thankfulness.  Thankful that my parents were there.  Thankful that I was running.  Thankful that it was perfect weather.  Thankful that my hair was braided and out of my face.  Thankful that I found a battery pack for my phone so I could listen to music the entire run.  The list could go on and on.  Thankful for this journey that I took on out of stubbornness.  Thankful for EVERY.  BREATH.  IN. MY. LUNGS. 

I’m writing this today because throughout this whole journey of running, my heart is to be for God to get all of the glory.  Yes, it’s an accomplishment for me, but God get’s all the credit.  It’s only because of Him that I am able to run.

My anthem for the past couple of years as I run has been Kari Jobe’s song “One Desire”. 

“Here I am just for You, only You.  Here I stand wanting you, only You…”

Here I am, Jesus, standing at the starting line hoping that in some way through this running journey, through this race, that You will be glorified.  I want people to know You come first, and that it is out of worship for You that I run.

“In Your presence Lord, I will find my strength.  You’re the breath in me; You’re my everything…”

This line sums everything up perfectly.  Jesus, in YOU, I find my strength.  Every breath in my lungs comes straight from you and is a gift.  I’m more keenly aware of every breath that comes with ease because I know well the struggle of fighting for a breath.  You are my everything.

“With my heart bowed low and my hands held high, all consuming fire, You’re my one desire…”

Jesus, my heart is to always run with my heart bowed low and my hands held high.  A bowed heart and lifted hands brings the glory and focus to the rightful place, and that is Jesus.   Running is a way of worship and praise for me. 

“It’s You, God, it’s You.  It’s You, only You…”

You alone are worthy.  Not me.  Not running.  You are where I find my worth…it’s You, only You.

“My heart will always sing, ‘I love you’…”

Jesus, may my heart and life always sing, “I love you.”  In whatever I do, may the words of my mouth and thoughts of my heart always sing, “I love you”. 

      

I think I was smiling most of the time I was on the course.  I’d be lying to say I was smiling because it was easy.  I was smiling because I was truly having the time of my life.   I was soaking in every sight and sound I could.  When fatigue started setting in and I had to dig deep, I just remembered why I was doing it.

So from a girl who started running out of sheer stubbornness to a girl who truly loves running, this journey has been a transforming journey in so many ways.  Lord willing, there will be many more races in the future.  And in all of them, just as with everything else, may God get all the glory and praise!